By Caleb David

Travel has always been an adventure for me and, in my late teens, I discovered traveling to serve. We donned them “mission trips” and thus my wanderlust was given a “reason.” Now, I could even raise money from others to travel the world and make a difference. Quite quickly, this became my career; my calling. It took me several years and dozens of trips to realize that something wasn’t quite right. Even beyond the emerging conversations in the non-profit world that challenged traditional “mission” into more sustainable models, there was something deeper that hung like lead in my stomach. I didn’t have the courage after almost 15 years of leading over 10,000 people all over the world to confront this sinking feeling. I didn’t know how to verbalize it then, but what I DID defined WHO I had become…

It took a move across country, extreme burn-out and compassion fatigue for me to be ready to receive advice from a mentor– one that cared enough about my mental, emotional, and spiritual wellness to confront my inner turmoil. This season of life was punctuated by financial poverty, and the only way I could feed my family was through the government safety net – food stamps. My pride was so bruised and I could no longer ignore the battle. I had to find inner peace in this dark night of the soul.

For years, I subscribed to the adage that says, “Fake it until you make it.” I had successfully “made it,” but yet it all felt shallow. I knew the time had come to face it until I could make it. My soul needed triage and my body was starting to break down after all of the panic attacks.

I found a therapist that I felt safe with to begin my journey to emotional wellness. Along the way, I discovered other tools that were needed to deal with my childhood trauma and years of ignoring my own needs – EMDR, Splankna, meditation and spiritual direction.

We hear a lot these days about the art of peacemaking and I suspect as we near Christmas, surface conversations about peace on earth will abound. I just returned from the West Bank with a small Table team, an area of the world that has received much attention and many failed peace talks. The fruits of the trauma in this region are evident when you sit down for a meal and have open and honest conversations. We also know that complex problems do not have band-aid solutions, so we must lean into the nuance required for continued healing. The Table Initiative was created for building relationships between global communities and humanizing issues of social justice. Justice and peace go hand in hand.

While in Bethlehem, I could not help but weep at the ugliness and scope of the wall that has been built between Israelis and Palestinians. It was a reminder of the walls I had built around myself in my own trauma. If our goal is to become peacemakers in our homes, communities and around the world – we must first make peace within ourselves and then start to break down the walls. We must confront our own poverty before we become the balm that our fractured world so desperately needs. May we create a  global community where all people are seen, heard and known.

Caleb David is founder & president of The Table Initiative. With almost 20 years in the non-profit sector, Caleb’s desire is to use his platform and resources to bring awareness to social justice issues and to vulnerable people on the margins. He was also the recipient of the Golden Rule Young People’s Goodwill Ambassadorship Award presented by Dr. Clyde Rivers and Ambassador Mussie Hailu in 2014 for his work and commitment to the people of Ethiopia.

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