Emotional Balance in Bi-Vocational Ministry
by Rev. Grace Kim, LMFT
I am a solo pastor of a small congregation of Asian immigrant adults as well as first-generation young adults. I am bi-vocational as both a full-time minister and a marriage family therapist. Having been in Christian ministry for over two decades, I often heard about the importance of spirituality over that of emotional wellness in the past. However, I believe a pastor’s emotional wellness affects church ministry.
Ministry is not only about preaching, but also about providing counseling, leading small groups, mentoring, and managing crisis. In order to manage crisis effectively, you need to be emotionally healthy and stable, to respond appropriately to the person who needs you. If you’re not stable, your response to situations can be unhealthy… You can be “triggered,” over-react, or maybe attach too closely to a particular person or outcome. You might feel a “need to be needed,” if you’re not careful to find your emotional balance.
Ministers spend many hours meeting with people, listening to congregants’ problems, giving instruction and discussing ways to find solutions. In doing so, healthy emotional functioning of a pastor is an essential part of ministry- a building block for healthy relationships with congregants. When you’re emotionally healthy; you react to people and situations better. You can be a “good container.” You can accept others better. You definitely have more of an ability to differentiate yourself from others, which allows you to accept people for who they are– different from you.
Emotional wellness helps us to work well together. It makes us flexible with people. It helps us to not take things personally- like when someone very important to the life of the ministry decides to leave the church. When I was younger and less mature, I used to find blame in others for leaving the church. Now I understand that people can leave for their own reasons or needs that I don’t know about– that may still be valid. I can still feel sad if people leave, but I also came to realize that one church can’t be everything for everyone.
Being a senior pastor in a ministry and working full-time outside can be challenging often times. To keep myself emotionally healthy and helpful, first I need to rely on the Lord, and second, I need to do self-care by doing self-evaluation to eliminate everything that doesn’t need my involvement. As part of self-care I do constant re-evaluation of what’s helpful and healthful now. Sometimes adding on a hobby can feel like a lot extra, and it’s important for me to discern whether something is life-giving or a barrier. For my own sanity and growth in the midst of my work and ministry, having a support group has been very important– particularly from my family, and a very close friend. They helped me to figure out what is important and necessary from another point of view. It may be something else for others to do self care for emotional wellness. To build a strong ministry, we need to be emotionally stable and sound to build good and healthy relationship.
Grace Kim is a bi-vocational pastor who serves as a senior pastor at Walnut Blessing Church of the Nazarene while working as a full time senior clinical therapist at County of Riverside. She loves coffee, books and movies.
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