Dear Shepherd Heart,
Our ministry runs a popular bakery in the heart of our city. We’ve begun a program where we offer work opportunities and supportive employment experiences to young adults who have aged out of the fostercare system. Overall, it’s amazing, though not without its bumps along the way. As friends, co-workers, and Christ-followers, what are some things that we all can be sensitive to, given the complicated personal histories that some of us have had?
Thanks,
“Baked Good”
Dear B. Good,
What a cool ministry. It sounds like you’re talking about how to be supportive and sensitive to dear young people who have had a lot of adverse experiences in their childhoods, and therefore may be carrying a lot of complex trauma. Shepherd Heart is offering a workshop on understanding cPTSD (that is, complex post-traumatic stress) in ministry, among Shepherd Heart’s many workshops for issues related to ministry & emotional health. Stay tuned for that, and feel free to check out other workshops here. For the purpose of your letter, though, I’ll be brief and underscore the importance of enouraging an environment of emotional safety…
Let compassion be your compass. Survivors of complex trauma from years of sustained abuse or neglect, especially in childhood, may have learned –with good reason– that the world is fundamentally unsafe. People who have been raised in dangerous circumstances, either by others’ sins of commission or sins of omission, have had to be hypervigiliant –that is, ever-watchful to see whether or not they are safe. It is sometimes the case that they could interpret “normal interactions” as threats, that others would not, because their early lives were under constant threat. Or there may be hypersensitivity around possible abandonment. It may be scary for them to get close to others, if the people who were supposed to be closest to them in youth, like their families, were dangerous for them.
They may likely need an extra measure of your relational stability, your predictable kindness, grace in learning relational norms or workplace expectations …because healthy boundaries that could offer a sense of security in the world were likely not a part of their upbringing. It can be okay to be gently firm with expectation, but let your firmness be informed by affirmation and support. Please stay aware of your own emotional experiences (of frustration, impatience, etc.) when working with them. Do not be harsh or punitive in your instruction, but be clear about expections in your steady tone and words, modeling expectations with your own behavior. Get your own support so that you have a place to regulate your own emotions.
Be close and offer support if you see someone losing patience with someone who has sustained prolonged trauma. Where needed, intervene, and encourage a positive stance toward taking mental health moments, to step away, take deep breaths, to talk it out, and to regulate emotions. I hope and assume that part of your program or a partnering program also incorporates social work services or therapy services for these dear young people.
Thank you for all the good you’re baking.
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Letters may be edited, compiled, composited, or fictinalized. Responses are for educational purposes only. They do not offer legal advice or psychological services of any kind.