by Amanda Baughman, M.A.
For over a decade, I have worked with families as a labor doula and, more recently, in parent education. One thing I’ve heard from every parent, despite background, income, or experience, is they just want to do it right.
Getting it right isn’t easy, and no one gets it right all of the time. It’s sacrificial work requiring maturity, empathy, and patience. Here are some ways to make the journey of parenthood a gift for you and your child:
- Give the gift of acceptance. Love the child that God has given you. Your role as a parent is to be a student of your child in order to discover who they already are, not to mold them into who you want them to be.
- Give the gift of connection. The attachment you develop with your child in their early years carries them into the relationships they’ll have as adults—with you and with others. If your goal is to raise a healthy adult, then you have to put in the work building a secure attachment with your child by consistently responding to their needs, being attuned and intentional, and modeling empathy.
- Give the gift of presence. Finding balance between work and family life can be difficult. Prioritize your time with your family by being truly present when you are together. As I sit with new parents in postpartum meetings, I often remind them that life will never be this still again. Be present in this moment because it goes fast and you will never get it back. So, when you are with your child, really be with your child because they will know if you’re there in body only. Be still and give your undivided attention. By doing so, you communicate to your child they are worth your time, their presence matters, and that you are reliable.
- Give the gift of authenticity. No family is perfect, no matter how much you want to portray that you have it all together. Share your failures or struggles with your child and your community and encourage them to do the same. Model how to deal with big emotions, how to repair a relationship after a rupture, and that it’s okay to make mistakes. By shedding the cloak of perfectionism, you are freed to live a more joy-filled and honest life where struggle is not a secret and failure is not shameful.
Parenting is hard. But the good news is you don’t have to do it alone—and you were never meant to! In both my work as a doula and in parent education, I emphasize the necessity of “finding your tribe” so parents are taking this parenting journey alongside others. By doing so, you bless each other through mutual learning and support. And that is a gift of immeasurable value!
Amanda is labor doula, parent educator, wife and mother of 3. She received her Master’s degree in Cross Cultural Studies from Fuller Seminary.
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