By Dr. Rachel Chapple
Healing…hmmm.
adjective
curing or curative; prescribed or helping to heal.
growing sound; getting well; mending.
noun
the act or process of regaining health
I already knew God has a sense of humor…and the invitation for me to write a few words about healing is further proof…yes, I hear God yacking it up.
I couldn’t resist looking up the definition…google and dictionary.com – I salute you.
The definitions appear simple and straightforward. The idea of healing, when read from dictionary.com feels good/complete/satisfying…which is very different from many real-life healing experiences. There’s both physical and spiritual blood, sweat and tears shed in the process which don’t feel good at all. Or to be fair, not until the end…when the broken bone is back in place and able to function…when the depression has lifted…when the relationship is restored…ahh and then we can relax and move on with our lives…maybe. And remember how great God is…possibly.
As a tall black chick who travels through the worlds of trauma, suicide ideation, self-harming, racism and identity challenges in my professional life, and racism, sexism, and judgment that accompanies being single and childless woman in my private life…I invite you to notice that the process of healing is one that is painful. Please enjoy while I share a few observations of healing experiences that are both physical, emotional and spiritual.
Oftentimes, healing begins with discomfort or pain. There is an ache in my back; a feeling of aloneness or anger; or feeling disconnected from God. As a college freshmen, I remember going into the local grocery store, like a Safeway or Stater Brothers and looking into an older white woman’s face as she stared me down and dramatically tucked her purse under her armpit (furthest away from me) and shifted her shoulders to protect it from…me? The pain of that moment – of being perceived as a threat and not an 18-year-old kid – stayed with me for years…maybe even a decade. And it was awful to hear the pain slip into my throat as my voice broke when recalling that moment to a friend or colleague. Pain is awful. And to move it, heal it and grow from it…we must first feel it…which frankly, sucks.
Even better, healing invites us to surrender (dang it!) Oh, I mean surrender is great! Obviously, you can’t see me as a I write this, please note that there’s a definitive rolling of my eyes to the left as I embrace the idea of surrender. A familiar reaction that I’ve witnessed on the faces of my clients, family and friends as well. We surrender to this process of pain removal. And “we” includes everyone (friends, family, counselors, pastors, doctors, therapists) walking with the person who is courageous enough to embark on their healing process. All of us are invited to surrender – to let go of the illusion of control. This is helpful reminder that we are not in charge of the healing process. I find that my impatience, haughtiness, upset when walking through either my own or another’s healing process are cues to surrender. Sucks.
Healing is a pain in the you-know-what because its leaves us all fraught with questions that feel so important to us…yet, aren’t answered so quickly or at all…questions like:
“How long will it take for me to heal?”
“What do I have to do or (even worse) refrain from during my healing process?”
“How will I know that I’m healed, can I get a sign, symbol or hint?”
And if I’m honest, just speaking for myself, there’s the question that sits in the corner whispering from the shadows – “will the outcome really be worth it? This feels like a lot of work…I don’t even know if it’s worth it…humph!”
My urge to salute dictionary.com has dissipated.
My final observation is that people hyperfocus on the outcome – the awesome transformation that will come from this healing process – instead of the current pain being experienced. I get it…the outcome is when we are free of pain/transformed/reconnected with self and others. The challenge is to be in the current reality. To grow in our ability to be with the pain and not get angry or preach or teach it away. What’s amazingly helpful is to welcome the present moment pain…to study and learn from it…so we know how to help/pray/love the person in front of us…including ourselves. To do anything else risks hurting, disrespecting or dismissing the person and delaying the process. The balm is in our ability to stay in the present moment with a posture of sacredness, humility and surrender. Happy Healing!
Yep, God’s still chuckling.
Dr. Rachel Chapple is a speaker, entrepreneur and licensed clinical psychologist in private practice who is honored to serve teens and young adults who engage in suicidal, self-harming behaviors; or healing from traumatic experiences. She originates from Los Angeles where she received her doctorate in clinical psychology from Fuller Theological Seminary, School of Psychology and a Master’s in Theology. She’s privileged to serve clients from varied backgrounds across socioeconomic status, race, class, age and gender.
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