Welcoming Joy in Church

Welcoming Joy to Church
by Dr. Ursula Bowling

I will never forget the first time we brought our daughter, Joy, to church. She was 5 weeks old and tiny, with the most beautiful black hair and almond eyes. Joy has Down syndrome – and we didn’t yet know much about what this would mean for her, or for us. We were disoriented and unsure.

One of the children’s pastors greeted us, looked us in the eyes, and said “I promise Joy will always have a place in this church.” Almost 10 years later, that welcome and promise still make me cry every time I think of it.

A place to belong. It is what we all want in life and in church. Unfortunately, far too often this is not the experience folks with disabilities and their families have in church. Below are some thoughts about how to include well:

1. Inclusion must be grounded in relationships and love, not programs. What Pastor Cheri promised that day, and what we needed to know, is that Joy would have a place. We did not need a fancy program, but we did need to know that she would be seen and loved. No church can build a program that meets the needs of every person with a disability in their congregation, because each person’s needs and strengths are unique. In fact, I would strongly recommend against a one size fits all “special needs program.” A willingness to be flexible and relational will take you a long way in meaningful inclusion. If you’re not sure how to best include, ask the person and their caretakers.

2. Meaningful inclusion is grounded in mutuality. No one wants to feel like a “project.” Meaningful inclusion means encouraging contribution. Does your church have folks with disabilities serving in visible roles in the church? Who we invite to serve sends a powerful message about who we value and esteem.

3. Remember families. Caring for a family member with additional needs usually involves significant time, money, and emotional resources. Siblings can frequently feel lost in the shuffle. Most folks probably aren’t going to talk much about this, but it is a powerful sign of care if church staff can be mindful of these realities. As I write this another story comes to mind – I had signed up to teach VBS one year when I was pregnant and exhausted (to be honest I did it for the nursery childcare). One of the church staff that week took one look at me when I checked in and said “your volunteer job this week is to go sit on the couch in the lobby. Put your feet up.” There were a million things I could have done that week, but the truth is, I was exhausted, Jamie saw it, and I won’t forget the gift of time to be still.

Like all covenants, it has and will continue to take work (from us as her mom and dad, from our church community, and from Joy herself) to live out the promise Pastor Cheri made on Joy’s first day of church. The good news for churches is that meaningful inclusion does not require special programs or a bunch of resources. It does require a willingness to slow down and give thoughtful attention to others. It requires flexibility, commitment, and love. At the end of the day, it’s not that different from what everyone needs at church.

Dr. Ursula B. Bowling, PsyD, has been a licensed clinical health psychologist for more then 10 years and is a mother of four children by birth and adoption. Dr. Bowling is a graduate of Baylor University and Fuller Theological Seminary, where her research focused on L’Arche communities for people with intellectual disabilities. She loves Oklahoma adventures, quilting, and time with friends. Ursula and her family attend Crossings Community Church in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.

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