Emotional Awareness for Ministry
by Melissa Spolar, MDiv
Here’s a quote about pastors I came across online: “A pastor never gets to say ‘I’m off duty.’ Never gets to punch out at 5. Never gets to have a normal schedule. We don’t know how many sleepless nights they spend on their knees praying for their church. How much opposition they face. How many family opportunities they miss to meet hurting people.”[1] There tends to be this idealized view of pastors being the superstars of Christianity. They, in their extraordinary piety, put the needs of their church and ministry above all else, and are able to cope with anything this brings in their path. Expectations like this sit in the pews of our churches, but also can get into our very own mindset as ministry leaders.
When I first began my journey into ministry, I fell completely into this trap of false expectations and ignoring my genuine ability to cope with all of the demands that can come with ministry. I accepted the belief that I needed to sacrifice my time and emotions for the sake of the church. My schedule was packed for almost every minute of every day. I swallowed many interactions of poorly-handled conflict and manipulation, all in the name of false harmony and trying to “be the example.”
It wasn’t until taking a pastoral counseling class back in seminary that I learned the freedom and value of emotional awareness. This is where I learned so many important skills that benefit not just my own well-being and prevent burnout, but contribute to an overall healthier church: boundary-setting, healthy conflict and confrontation, self-differentiation, the deep-rooted effects on all of us from the way we were raised, and much more. The Holy Spirit enables us to do ministry, but we cannot have balance and emotional wellness in ministry until we accept and learn to navigate the complexities of human nature.
Melissa Spolar, MDiv, is Resource Specialist for Shepherd Heart. She is a graduate of Azusa Pacific Seminary, and an active member at Pasadena Mennonite Church pursuing bi-vocational ministry.
[1] Quote taken from: Daughterbydesign.wordpress.com
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